Posted on July 26, 2010 by admin

“Have You Ever Asked Yourself this Question…” 

Have you ever really, I mean REALLY thought about the relationship that you wanted to create with your daughter? 

1. You are so busy you can’t possibly think about this question and quite frankly your brain is so full you have no space left to even attempt to go there. That’s a good excuse but I challenge you to think about this one anyway. What kind of relationship do you dream of having with your daughter, in all stages of her life? Do you dream of a relationship where you respect each other, everyone is aware of the rules of the house and she follows them, you have playful, fun time together, she feels good about herself and is an honest, trustworthy daughter and friend? As she becomes a teenager do you dream that she comes to you for advice and guidance and has other important adult role models in her life that she can turn to? That she remains open to communicate and does not shut down? Take some time to really imagine your dream relationship with your daughter.
2.  After you have had some time to really think about this….and you are out of the traffic,  write this entire vision ALL down. What would it feel like for you?  What would this look like for you? How would this fulfilling relationship change other areas of your life? Would it impact your home life, your life with your partner, your business, your emotional life? I’m thinking if your relationship with your daughter was a little brighter, all areas of your life would feel a little lighter too.  
3. Capture this feeling, state, in a collage or represent it with color markers or crayon. Add meaningful pictures of her (or the two of you together) to your masterpiece. In your vision… was there less stress? Did things come with ease and less struggle? Was their more love and affection.  A greater feeling of connection and less distance or disconnect? Was there a feeling of warmth, comfort and love?  Was there a sense of relief? Were you less tense and more relaxed? What would this look like for you translated onto paper?  Is your  collage filled with warm colors, love represented by arms around one another, smooth calm strokes?  
4. Now here is the kicker…what type of person do you need to become in order for this dream relationship to blossom? Do you become more patient, confident or calm?  Do you carve out special “ME” time so you can be more present for your daughter when she needs you the most? Do you carve out special mom-daughter time so she feels special and validated? Do you cut out one after camp/school activity so things can be more calm and the family can eat dinner together at least one time per week? Do you take a spontaneous walk on the beach or a mini unplanned adventure so you can leave the rigid schedule behind just for a half a day? Do you find more confidence in yourself so you can model that strength to her in everything you do? Do you give more compliments than complaints? Do you problem solve together instead of blaming for mistakes?  What is one thing you could change to begin to shift your present relationship with your girl into a relationship that you could only dream of? 

Try this exercise with other relationships in your life too! Feel free to post your comments here and don’t sweat about the summer traffic…now you have so many things to think about!

Elissa Bowes, MA, ATR-BC, LCAT, a nationally board certified, registered Art Therapist, works with emotionally challenged, and at-risk children, adolescents, adults, and families and as a consultant to organizations throughout New Jersey. Request her FREE report, “Is Your Daughter Driving You NUTS? 10 Things You Must Know To Keep You From Losing Your Mind Or Pulling Out Your Hair In The Process” by visiting www.higherartnj.com .