5 Ways To Bridge The Gap and Reconnect With Your Girl
Posted on February 28, 2011 by admin
- Once you have joined your daughter on her side of the bridge, listen with an open heart and with open eyes as if you are learning a new language…her language! You probably don’t feel like you speak her language anymore anyway, right? Repeat words that she shares with you, “So I heard you say.” “So you’re saying…” “I want to make sure I’m hearing you correctly, you want XX to happen?” This is always a great place to begin.
- Learn about what happens on her side of the bridge. Learn about her world and come from a place of curiosity instead of quick judgment. By having these new connections you are actually creating new pathways, a new story together that feels very different than your old story.
- Your daughter needs you to help guide the way. Your daughter has this amazing magical power where she can say one thing and it will totally set you off for hours or days. The words and actions you choose affect her deeply too. The more we can bridge the gap and connect, the more capacity we will have for compassion, empathy and understanding for eachother. This feeling of support, being heard and validated will make its way into many other areas of your relationship.
- Your relationship with your girl is not a problem to be solved but rather a journey that you take together. Whew! Doesn’t that take a ton of pressure off? We have this incredible capacity to heal and grow in our relationships…if we allow it. This is true in our relationships with our daughters too.
- Conflict and challenging times are a part of life and instead of setting us back they can be used as an opportunity for immense growth and deeper connection. When things have calmed down have a follow-up conversation with your girl. Put words to your feelings and emotions and she will (over time) learn to do the same.
It takes ALOT of strength and courage to be connected. So take that first small step and crossover the bridge!
If your relationship with your daughter is stressing you out and you want more ways to create a positive and healthy relationship with her, please call 732-252-5489 or email: elissa@higherartnj.com to begin to make some positive changes!
Discussion: 2 Comments
2 Responses to “5 Ways To Bridge The Gap and Reconnect With Your Girl”
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Andrea
- 9th Mar, 11 11:03am
Hi Elissa-
We miss you! I wanted to say that my girl and I are crossing the bridge and about to talk about puberty! yes she is learning that in health but she needs to hear it form me. Wow what a challenge. I can still rememebr how my mom told me and wellit was somewhat simplified and strange. I just wondered if you had any advice for a mom about to “Have the Talk”
admin (author comment)
- 11th Mar, 11 09:03am
Hi Andrea, We miss you too! Great question. Here are a few quick tips: Talk early and often (once is not enough)…which it sounds like you are beginning to do. Remind your girl that everyone is different and therefore develops at her own pace. The pace that she develops at is the pace just right for her. Use books and other resources to help guide you through this process. Be sure that she understands the information you are sharing and is not more confused, after you speak. Share your own personal experiences when appropriate. There is nothing better than a personal story to connect to. Be a good listener (very important!) and have a sense of humor with it. THis is just another moment when you and your girl get to connect! Keep me posted! Best, Elissa