Perhaps I am an optimist, but I truly believe each and every one of us IS VERY creative. And when we are given the support, encouragement and opportunity to think creatively, we not only figure it out, but we THRIVE. 

In our busy lives there are times when it is almost impossible to attend to the activities or people that help fill our creative drive. So I began to think of ways creativity could easily be incorporated into all areas of our lives. What I found is that creativity does not necessarily mean picking up a paintbrush, but it can be more of an attitude, spirit, out of the box thinking, change, spontaneity or a decrease in rigidity. 

What better way to put this thinking to work than at our big summer family party? So instead of our usual gathering of talk, food and more talk and more food we decided that our goal at this year’s party was to create memories at an event that people would look back at and cherish. 

And so we recreated our version of the Summer Olympics. Somewhere in between appetizers and dinner, all guests that were able (ages 3 weeks to 85 years old were present), participated in a water balloon toss, egg walk and three legged race. Without getting into details… the deep, deep belly laughs and conversation that was stirred could be heard from a mile away and the pictures that we took captured the heart and soul of everyone who was celebrating with us. 

We had great, unexpected, messy, belly laughing fun. It was during these “events” that everyone at the party was connected, working as a team, problem solving, sharing ideas and strategizing. Their creative problem solving was literally at work….and it came to everyone with tremendous grace and ease. 

When was the last time you stepped out of your box and did something a little different? Do you remember how good it felt to shake up your routine and experience the excitement of creative possibility thinking? Do you remember the unexpected outcome of this experience? Usually something you could never have planned for or something that you will remember forever, right? 

It is these experiences that make us feel better about ourselves, bring us closer to people, connect us instantly to one another, make us feel more understood, less isolated and as a result more fulfilled. 

The Creativity Circle is a program that I created, with these concepts in mind, to support and encourage your girl’s personal growth and development. During the Creativity Circle, we carve out a comfortable space, for your girl to have enriching experiences with others, share, laugh, connect, share her story, hear other’s stories and creatively problem solve so she can feel better about herself, her relationships and the world around her. I invite you to read the details about this one of a kind group on my website. http://higherartnj.com/what-we-do/#girl

Elissa Bowes, MA, ATR-BC, LCAT, a nationally board certified, registered Art Therapist, works with emotionally challenged, and at-risk children, adolescents, adults, and families and as a consultant to organizations throughout New Jersey. Request her FREE report, “Is Your Daughter Driving You NUTS? 10 Things You Must Know To Keep You From Losing Your Mind Or Pulling Out Your Hair In The Process” by visiting www.higherartnj.com .

1. Pick one area that you want to focus on and ask yourself: What is your premise? What do you believe about this area?
2. What is your vision for this area?  What do you want it to look/feel like?
3. What is your purpose for this vision?  WHY do you want it this way?
4. What is your strategy for this vision?  What do you need to do/be to get there?
5. Now here is the fun part! Write this all down and create a small collage or piece of art around your vision or thoughts. Hang it where you can refer to it. Put pictures on it to really connect your emotions to it.

 I just had the opportunity to do this process for every area of my life over 4 days. It was an incredibly enriching experience that gave me even more direction and clarity. I hope you enjoy it too!

Share your artistic vision by leaving a comment below.  Add to the enrichment by sharing your vision and help it come to life!

1. Use model magic to create a character that represents what our inside anger looks
like. Ask the child to think about the anger they sometimes feel inside their body.
What might this anger look like if we put a face to it? Does it have a name? This is step one in actually pulling our anger out.

2. Play with this angry monster character. What does it get SOOOO angry about? What makes him SO upset? What does he do when he gets SO angry? (Try to stay away from asking why and use what instead).

3. Now, use the model magic to create a character that represents what our cool, calm feelings look like? Ask the child to think about how their body feels when it is calm. What does calm look like if we were to create a character for it? How does this look different than the angry monster character?

4. How can the cool calm tamer help the angry monster when he is angry?

Have fun with this one. Kids love it!

Having other challenges with your child’s anger, share your comments below and I’ll be happy to respond.

 Create a schedule. Maybe your summer schedule is more relaxed than the scheduled school year. Now is a great time to begin to implement bed time and wake up time. This way the week before school starts bed time and wake up time are less of an issue and you can focus on the more important things….like what to wear! 

1. Is she starting a new school or in a totally different section of the building than last year? Go on an adventure and make an early visit to get the lay of the land. This will ease her anxiety and will give her a visual image of what she can expect on her first day. Does she have a new locker? Visit that too.
2. Sometimes taking that first step into the building or classroom is enough to put her anxiety through the roof. If you have a little one think about creating a playful song that she will remember and sing to herself (or with you). Help her create an “I can do this” attitude with my favorite song, “I am safe and I am strong, take a deep breathe and sing this song. I am feeling strong each day, everything will be OK.” Add your own tune and practice this before school starts…you know you can always create a dance to this one too! If you have an older one and the above mentioned is totally uncool than maybe just a simple mantra of: “I am strong,” “I am confident,” “I can do this” might help. Sticky notes to remind her of how mentally strong and capable she is are always good too. 
3. Create a schedule of what the first day will look like: what time school starts, snack time, lunch, recess, what time school ends. Include who she can go to for help or if she has any questions or concerns. Help her visualize and understand her first day and all of its components. Spice this up with some drawings that she adds. 
4. Share some of your successful first days with her. Let her know that you understand how she feels. Get her involved in this process by exploring options of what she thinks she can do about her anxiety. If some of the solutions come from her she will be more likely to follow through with them. For example, “I can see that you are nervous or a little scared about the first day of school. What do you think we can do to make the first day easier for you? What else can we do?” Even if some of the options are not quite realistic you are encouraging her to use her creative problem solving skills to help her manage her own emotions. What could be more beneficial than that!?! 
5. Make a list (on big poster board) of all the times she was anxious about something and was able to find the strength to get through it. Was she terrified of going to the dentist but did it anyway? Was she scared of getting on the stage for the school play but found her courage and had a stellar performance (or almost stellar)? Celebrate these times with her and remind her that she carries that same strength and courage everywhere she goes. 
6. And last but not least…have that fabulous back to school outfit picked out! But that one we already knew! 

Try these tools with other events in her life that cause anxiety too. This is a great way to teach your girl strategies to help her manage her own anxiety so she can have more fun and worry less! When we face our anxiety and fears and are armed with tools and strategies to overcome them, our fear and anxiety quickly lose their power. Help show your girl that she has more power than her fear and anxiety!

Have additional challenges to face?  Get answers to your specific needs by leaving your comments below.

Elissa Bowes, MA, ATR-BC, LCAT, a nationally board certified, registered Art Therapist, works with emotionally challenged, and at-risk children, adolescents, adults, and families and as a consultant to organizations throughout New Jersey. Request her FREE report, “Is Your Daughter Driving You NUTS? 10 Things You Must Know To Keep You From Losing Your Mind Or Pulling Out Your Hair In The Process” by visiting www.higherartnj.com .

I have been honored to see so many “broken” spirits come to life again and as a result the children feel more confident and connected again. When we use the art to help children and teens (and adults too!) express themselves something magical happens. They return to their core, what makes them special and unique. Something about using our creativity makes us feel free and renewed, fresh and invigorated. When we learn a new artmaking skill we feel as though we can instead of we can’t. Here are just a few ways we can do this:

1. We check in with one thing that makes them feel proud or happy and write or draw it out on a big piece of poster board every week. Each passing week they begin to see the list of things they are proud about grow larger and larger.
2. We create “Walls of Strength” where the child and I come up with all the things that make them special and unique and write/draw it on the wall we created. The child asks other important people in their lives “What do YOU think makes ME special” and those thoughts are added on their wall as well.
3. We create a (fake) campfire using tissue paper and construction paper and share positive stories or funny family stories around it to get back in touch with some positive shared experiences.

How else can we mend their broken hearts?  Share your thoughts and ideas by leaving a comment below!

As we get older, I think we forget how powerful using art as a tool to communicate can be. Often times the children and teens I work with bring me right to their challenge area through their artwork. If the child is dealing with divorce, often times two homes appear, difficulty getting along with a parent shows up in an abstract, emotionally charged painting and feelings of loneliness or sadness show up in a representational drawing of themselves. 

This initial representation gives me a concrete starting point to begin to further explore what they are feeling and thinking in regards to their challenge area. The art makes it less threatening and as a result easier to share these feelings. 

When making the art there is a sense of control or mastery that is experienced. They begin to feel as though they have more control over their feelings in a situation than they had previously thought, and as a result, hope is instilled, a sense of empowerment is felt and spirits are often times lifted. 

Artmaking is fun, it’s playful and it’s creative. It inspires us and invigorates us. Engage in some artmaking WITH your child. I know you will enjoy it and feel a sense of relief too!

Share your artmaking experiences with or without your child by leaving a comment below.

Elissa Bowes, MA, ATR-BC, LCAT, a nationally board certified, registered Art Therapist, works with emotionally challenged, and at-risk children, adolescents, adults, and families and as a consultant to organizations throughout New Jersey. Request her FREE report, “Is Your Daughter Driving You NUTS? 10 Things You Must Know To Keep You From Losing Your Mind Or Pulling Out Your Hair In The Process” by visiting www.higherartnj.com .

Click Here to read Article

Have you ever really, I mean REALLY thought about the relationship that you wanted to create with your daughter? 

1. You are so busy you can’t possibly think about this question and quite frankly your brain is so full you have no space left to even attempt to go there. That’s a good excuse but I challenge you to think about this one anyway. What kind of relationship do you dream of having with your daughter, in all stages of her life? Do you dream of a relationship where you respect each other, everyone is aware of the rules of the house and she follows them, you have playful, fun time together, she feels good about herself and is an honest, trustworthy daughter and friend? As she becomes a teenager do you dream that she comes to you for advice and guidance and has other important adult role models in her life that she can turn to? That she remains open to communicate and does not shut down? Take some time to really imagine your dream relationship with your daughter.
2.  After you have had some time to really think about this….and you are out of the traffic,  write this entire vision ALL down. What would it feel like for you?  What would this look like for you? How would this fulfilling relationship change other areas of your life? Would it impact your home life, your life with your partner, your business, your emotional life? I’m thinking if your relationship with your daughter was a little brighter, all areas of your life would feel a little lighter too.  
3. Capture this feeling, state, in a collage or represent it with color markers or crayon. Add meaningful pictures of her (or the two of you together) to your masterpiece. In your vision… was there less stress? Did things come with ease and less struggle? Was their more love and affection.  A greater feeling of connection and less distance or disconnect? Was there a feeling of warmth, comfort and love?  Was there a sense of relief? Were you less tense and more relaxed? What would this look like for you translated onto paper?  Is your  collage filled with warm colors, love represented by arms around one another, smooth calm strokes?  
4. Now here is the kicker…what type of person do you need to become in order for this dream relationship to blossom? Do you become more patient, confident or calm?  Do you carve out special “ME” time so you can be more present for your daughter when she needs you the most? Do you carve out special mom-daughter time so she feels special and validated? Do you cut out one after camp/school activity so things can be more calm and the family can eat dinner together at least one time per week? Do you take a spontaneous walk on the beach or a mini unplanned adventure so you can leave the rigid schedule behind just for a half a day? Do you find more confidence in yourself so you can model that strength to her in everything you do? Do you give more compliments than complaints? Do you problem solve together instead of blaming for mistakes?  What is one thing you could change to begin to shift your present relationship with your girl into a relationship that you could only dream of? 

Try this exercise with other relationships in your life too! Feel free to post your comments here and don’t sweat about the summer traffic…now you have so many things to think about!

Elissa Bowes, MA, ATR-BC, LCAT, a nationally board certified, registered Art Therapist, works with emotionally challenged, and at-risk children, adolescents, adults, and families and as a consultant to organizations throughout New Jersey. Request her FREE report, “Is Your Daughter Driving You NUTS? 10 Things You Must Know To Keep You From Losing Your Mind Or Pulling Out Your Hair In The Process” by visiting www.higherartnj.com .

1. On a large piece of paper use something to symbolize where you are today.
2. Use something else to symbolize where you would like to be.
3. Create a road or path between the two points and include all the things and people that will help get you to where you would like to be.
4. Include all the obstacles that will get in your way and begin to map out a plan of how you are going to respond to these road blocks.
5. Think about the impact you will have if you reach this ultimate goal. Will your life be more peaceful, in turn your work less stressful, and in turn you will be able to positively impact more clients, family members or friends? Now, imagine what would happen if you did not take these steps to reach your goals? Not only would you be hurting yourself but you would not be able to positively impact all of the people you previously mentioned. Now, that is something to think about.

 2.  When we are perfectly imperfect we get the chance to “DO-OVER” and do-over’s allow us to start fresh again. Say the wrong thing to your daughter; to harsh, too condescending or too hurtful? Recognize it and let her know that you were out of line. Maybe start by saying, “I made a mistake when I said this…” The do-over gives you a chance to apologize and let her know how you plan to respond differently next time. Now how many unforgettable life lessons are in that one? Use dinner time to model comfort with mistakes and not being perfect. Go around the table and have each family member share a time they made a mistake that week and what they learned from it.  This is not a time to criticize the mistake but rather become more aware of how we can grow from and be even more successful because we made these mistakes. 

3.  Look back and think of what you learned from your parent’s “imperfections.” For some of us there might be too many to recount or too many painful ones to think about!  But perhaps you came from a large family with many siblings and the lack of individual attention led you to stand up for yourself. Perhaps your family had alot of hardship but cherished those peaceful moments and now as an adult, you are able to reflect and cherish those little things too.  What a gift to give yourself and your girl.

4.  Let go of the overwhelming tendency to compare yourself with others. In fact, throw out the word “perfect” AND “as good as.” Decide to celebrate who you are and what you contribute to the people and the world around you and then feel the sense of freedom that comes along with doing so.  When you do this, your girl might be right behind you…following your lead.

5.  Content and fulfilled people are not the ones who are the smartest, the fastest or the most perfect but rather the ones who can bounce back from a setback or look at a challenge from a different or new perspective.

Feel free to share what imperfections or mistakes made you stronger, more resilient, unique and beautiful by leaving your comment below. You just might inspire someone!