Posted on October 22, 2010 by admin

1.  Do something totally out of the ordinary with your girl. Looking back I can remember standing on those ridiculous lines when the latest craze doll or toy came out. One time I remember going in the middle of the night with my entire family. We were breaking all the rules. We shook the tree and have a wonderful memory because of it.
2.  Change your response. I have a colleague who relies on silly faces and antics when things get too heated with her girl. In the middle of a power struggle she might find herself rolling on the ground or making weird faces with some strange noise attached to it. She shakes the tree and the intensity of the moment dissipates.  
3. Tired of the fresh talk and the power struggle that follows? Maybe tell her “I love you too much too argue.” Or in your sweetest voice you say “I know,” “I know” until the anger diffuses or perhaps you go “brain dead” and in your nicest tone, let her know that “I’m sorry, my ears can’t hear what you’re saying, what’s a nicer way to ask for that?”
4. Ask really good questions. Instead of asking “What did I do to deserve this or why me?” Ask, “How can I benefit from this?” “How can we benefit from this?” “How can this make us stronger?” “How is this serving me/us?” “What strengths am I pulling from this experience?” “How can I better serve others because of this?” When we ask different questions we often shift the way we look at a challenge.
5. Last but not least and my favorite of them all. There are so many challenging experiences to be had in a lifetime. Instead of putting all your energy into feeling responsible, for example, “How am I going to fix this problem?”  “Was I a success or failure?” Remember to take a look at the journey. Consider the opportunity your girl has before her to learn skills that she would have otherwise not had. All of her bumps, all of her adversities, all of her victories will help guide her and better equip her for the future.

Wait! Here’s one more Bonus #6: Run towards your fears. Are you worried about confronting a certain situation with your girl? Are you resisting having a conversation with her? Instead of running away from it or continuing to put it off, face it head on. It will free up some of your mental energy and give you more space to be productive. It will help you feel more confident and empowered in your parenting role and of course this is a great quality to model to your girl. 

When we finally feel unstuck it is natural for other opportunities to come forward. New experiences will turn up and perspectives will natural shift. So shake the tree and make sure to try some of these tips before all the leaves fall off. Practice and let us know how it’s going on our blog!

Elissa Bowes, MA, ATR-BC, LCAT, a nationally board certified, registered Art Therapist, works with emotionally challenged, and at-risk children, adolescents, adults, and families and as a consultant to organizations throughout New Jersey. Request her FREE report, “Is Your Daughter Driving You NUTS? 10 Things You Must Know To Keep You From Losing Your Mind Or Pulling Out Your Hair In The Process” by visiting www.higherartnj.com .