Posted on September 21, 2010 by admin

1. WHAT IF we viewed our girl’s “mistakes” or “poor decision making” as an opportunity for great growth that we knew she would carry with her forever. Imagine if she understood a mistake was not a bad thing but rather just something to learn from and as a result become better at. With just this one skill imagine how she would ROCK in the workplace as an adult!

2. WHAT IF we viewed some of her crazy outfits and/or dyed hair as an expression of herself and her creativity knowing that this is a time of experimentation, a stage that she will most likely grow from and out of.

3. WHAT IF we remained calm after each one of her blunders, knowing that when we are calm we think rationally and most likely will not feel sorry for anything we say next. Imagine the skill she is learning here and what a good friend she can be because of it.

4. WHAT IF we respected our girls the way they deserved to be respected and let her know how much we value and respect her for the way she handled the gossip with her friend or the way she worked it out on the field. Imagine the increased self respect she will have for herself.

5. WHAT IF we listened not only with our ears but our hearts too. Imagine if we really gave our girls the space to be heard and validated for her own thoughts and opinions. Imagine we just listened…without criticism, judgment or nagging. Think of how supported, understood and appreciated she would feel and in turn how she would do the same for her friends and one day you too!

6. WHAT IF we really didn’t know the answer to everything (!) and instead we problem solved with our girls. Now this is a skill she can use forever!

7. WHAT IF, in our busy lives, we carved out special time just for her, whether it be in the car, at dinner, before bed, where it was just you and her, no interruptions and she had your undivided attention (even for just 15 minutes). Imagine how special she would feel.

8. WHAT IF little by little we increased her responsibility so she can easily become more independent and thus a high functioning adult. Imagine how her self confidence will grow and how much easier transitions into college and beyond would be.

WHAT IF we truly didn’t have the time or peace of mind to do any of this? Imagine where our girls would be today!?! As parents, mentors and friends we have the ability not only to influence but change our girl’s lives for the better so they can feel better about themselves and their relationships. And who knows maybe two decades down the road they will be thanking you for it!

We would love to hear what your WHAT IF is. Share and connect with us by leaving your comment below!

Elissa Bowes, MA, ATR-BC, LCAT, a nationally board certified, registered Art Therapist, works with emotionally challenged, and at-risk children, adolescents, adults, and families and as a consultant to organizations throughout New Jersey. Request her FREE report, “Is Your Daughter Driving You NUTS? 10 Things You Must Know To Keep You From Losing Your Mind Or Pulling Out Your Hair In The Process” by visiting www.higherartnj.com .