One Thing Every Girl Wants, and It’s Not a Pony ;)
Posted on March 18, 2010 by admin
OK, the truth is that these days our girls really don’t want the pony anyway. So let’s enter the modern day world and replace pony with: ipod, itouch, ipad, iphone, ihome, new cell phone, skinny jeans, dark nail polish, a new bag, boots, laptop, stuff to make their hair curly or stuff to make their hair straight.
I’m sure it’s no surprise that they don’t want any of these things either. Even though some days it seems they wouldn’t be able to live without this STUFF…what our girls really want and need is our L.O.V.E. The way each person communicates their love is quite different. Read on for some tips on how we can share our L.O.V.E with our girls.
A lot of parents I work with say that they want to understand their girl better. They want to have a closer relationship with their daughter, however, they feel stuck in a pattern of blaming, criticizing, nagging, complaining, threatening and punishing. Their current relationship with their daughter doesn’t feel right, and at the same time, they are not sure what changes to make in order for their relationship to improve.
As more time passes the more upset, disappointed and guilty they feel and the cycle continues to repeat itself. Here are 2 simple strategies to help you share your L.O.V.E with your girl (and other special ones in your life too!)
1. Self LOVE –
Pre-teen and teenage girls model their parent’s behaviors. Often times parents are the single most important role model a child has. So how we handle stressful situations and challenges, how we feel about ourselves and how we feel about and treat others are all things our girls are learning from us everyday. Now, this does not mean you have to be the perfect parent, since we know that’s not realistic, but it does mean that we can go about our days with more awareness, while we continue to experience our own personal development. Living a healthy lifestyle, actively helping others, reading to learn new things, working on our marriage or other relationships, and treating people with respect are all great examples of how we can work on ourselves while providing valuable lessons for our children. When we respect ourselves enough to listen to and nurture our own needs we can be there for others in a way that we could not be when we were depleted, tired, overwhelmed, or just plain EMPTY. Your daughter will observe and internalize this. She will emulate these positive behavior patterns and as a result she will learn the value of working towards making herself a more confident and connected person.
2. Connect –
Your daughter needs you. I know this sounds crazy…but your teenage daughter needs you too! Even though she might do everything in her power to make you believe that she doesn’t. It is important to know that your daughter will respect your decisions, even when she doesn’t agree, IF (and only if) the situation is presented to her in an open and positive manner. Give your girl the opportunity to express herself and explain her feelings. This opens up the lines of communication and lets her know you respect her and care about her point of view. Even if the decision is not hers to make, talking through the process can help lead her to a place where she can feel comfortable with your decision and the reasons behind it. Often times a compromise can be reached that will satisfy the needs and concerns of both you and your daughter. This allows her to be part of the decision making process, while you are able to maintain parental structure. * More tips on how we can share more love with our girls to come!
For now, here’s a playful art activity to help you shift into a self loving or more loving mindset. Send a package of love to yourself or someone you know who needs it, like your daughter or friend. Instead of buying this package of love, use an envelope and fill it with poems, messages, memories, drawings or pictures that the person you have in mind might need at this time. Feeling adventurous? Use a large box and fill it up with things this person might benefit from. By using this activity I have seen groups of children send care packages of love to Haiti, girls create boxes of loving support for their siblings and another child create a box of love in memory of a family member that she deeply missed. Our ways to express love are endless!
Discussion: No Comments
Leave a Reply